Monday, October 10, 2011

Montek Singh Ahluwalia

Your Tarantula is disappointed like every other true Indian, at today’s announcement of 2011 Sveriges Riksbank Prize in Economic Sciences in Memory of Alfred Nobel, which is often mistakenly referred as Nobel Prize in Economics. While it is unfair to blame Nobel Prize Committee members, one cannot help wondering how our Deputy Chairman of Planning Commission, Montek Singh Ahluwalia missed a berth. Perhaps his nominations missed the deadlines set by the committee and it is the only plausible explanation!

We are all greatly indebted to Motek for his yeomen service to the nation and in particular to all the downtrodden Indians, who unfortunately comprise of nearly 80% of 1.23 billions. Other nations, including the so called advanced countries pay a lip sympathy to those below poverty line, as defined by the respective countries, and some throw alms in the form of social security, health benefit, food coupons and so on as they fancy or deem fit. The simple, untold and least understood Truth is there is no economy without poverty!!! There is hardly any nation which has ever attempted to eradicate the poverty in toto but India nearly achieved it now!

Thus far, no Economist, Politician, or Babu in the world has achieved what Montek did, and that too overnight! It is true that the rest of the world is struggling to define a commonly acceptable definition for Poverty Line (and even re-revised downwards and diluted the proposed definitions ‘n’ number of times to address the political aspirations of the politicians of ‘developing’ nations). Our Montek single handedly achieved the herculean task of lifting few tens of crores (i.e., few hundreds of millions) of Indians above the evasive and elusive poverty line with his super-human effort. The benefited number of Indian people simply outnumber the total combined population of dozens of mid-sized and smaller countries at one go!

On behalf of its readers, your Tarantula strongly commends Montek for Nobel prize in Economics for the year 2012 and he at least deserves the coveted Ig Nobel Prize in 2012.

Sunday, September 4, 2011

Rahul Dravid

Indians numbering over 1.21 Billion are obsessed with cricket and think that their heroes SRT, VS, MSD & Prince are Cricket and Cricket is these is players only, in that particular order. Our faith in Cricketing Gods is so unwavering; we continue to worship these national ZEROES and liabilities forever.

Other cricketing nations have different notions. They think Rahul Dravid is the invisible backbone and it is essential to deal with him in fair or foul manner to achieve complete white wash. Those who followed recent Test series, one off T20 and the just concluded first ODI against England cannot ignore the fact there is something very suspicious in the manner Dravid was given out repeatedly.

Recall what Ian Fleming said repeatedly in Goldfinger:

Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. The third time it's enemy action.


Whatever be the BCCI and individual perception on DRS system, the manner in which it is used or otherwise needs a thorough investigation.

The fact that our selectors inducted Dravid into ODI & T20 matches in the ongoing one sided matches in England, despite his retirement from these formats of the international games couple of years ago, is a testimony to Rahul Dravid.

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Whitewash


With just concluded 0-4 whitewash in England during cricket test series, our team will be returning home looking very bright and presentable, all set for resuming hectic photo shoots and corporate advertisements that have been awaiting their return. Since this is the first whitewash after a decade plus, our heroes can jump to their primary task without further make-up!

Now that the historic cricket test series against much feared Timbuktu is fast approaching, our selectors have a job on hand. They may find the following suggestions handy:

1. Rahul Dravid should be dropped in the guise of ‘being rested’. He is hardly having any admirers other than rank outsiders Sir Vivian Richards and Steve Waugh. Other than the title ‘wall’ he does not have inspiring prefixes like others do (ex: God, swashbuckling, prince, captain cool, tubunator and so on). What is the point in having a player who stands there forever to save innings-defeats? But for him, India would have achieved much better whitest whitewash of 0-4 Innings plus defeats. He deprived the team of much fresher look. Such dull players have no place in a glorious team like ours.

2. Dhoni should be retained as captain for his record as captain. BCCI should use its muscle to make ICC change rules to have a non-playing captain like in Davis Cup matches so that someone else can bat in his place while, optionally, he can continue to keep wickets. How is that?

3. Swashbucking Sunyawag should be retained as one of the openers for his glorious two one-ball innings in the same Test! Never mind his average in the just concluded series. Future is always bright.

4. Nildulkar, God and hero of 1.21 billion should be a de facto inclusion, as had always been, at least until his grandson plays with him in few Tests. Besides, one day he is bound to get his 100th international hundred. Any number of series losses and becoming a third-rated country are worth it. Who knows it could be against this formidable Timbuktu!

5 to 9. …..

10&11. While the essence of T20 matches lies in the entertainment provided by way of stirp-tease dances on the side lines, Test matches are long drawn (not to be confused with innings defeats) and dull. Hence there is need for entertainment to public and also in dressing room. Who can surpass the combination of bowlers Harbhajan Singh and Srisanth, the best ever Slapper-Slappee?

Saturday, February 5, 2011

WHISTLE-BLOWERS

Long time ago I started to read Sholokhov’s magnum opus And Quiet Flows the Don but some how did not quite finish reading despite its wonderful flow. I guess, without any basis, it tries to summarize that life in a society goes on more or less smoothly despite all the nature and man-made calamities and strong undercurrents which erode the very base on which our life depends. Particularly we Indians enjoy serene life oblivious of mega multi-trillion rupee scams, floods, earth-quakes, daily bandhs and so on. It is very simple to explain some of them: our knowledge of number theory being very peripheral, it is difficult to differentiate the gravity of a 13-digit scam from a 3-digit one. The difference appears to be insignificant. Thus, our life flows quietly!

Whistle-blowers are, positively, a menace to any society. They try to create storm by some revelation and end with a whimper. Not very long ago GOI made a minor mistake of bringing in RTI Act and made a major blunder of giving wide publicity to it. This gave birth to self styled Rights-Activists who started seeking information on anything and everything. This hampers the smooth administration we are accustomed to.

Mother Nature has solution to anything which disturbs its equilibrium. Thus all whistle-blowers and rights-activists meet untimely death sooner than later. Some may say it serves them RIGHT!

It is your Tarantula’s ardent wish to develop a comprehensive database on these two classes of anti-governmental elements and the modality of their untimely death and based on it develop a mathematical model to forecast the number of hours they can hope to survive from the time they blow whistle or file RTI petition, as the case may be. Such a scientific free web-based tool, it is hoped, should be useful to future whistle-blowers/RTI-activists in planning to live their residual life more meaningfully.

There is a brighter side to this, though. As per prevailing rules of life insurance policies, if a holder commits suicide within one year of taking a life policy, it is treated as exclusion and his nominees do not get even a rupee. To circumvent this denial problem, one can blow a whistle (or file an RTI petition) after taking the life policy. Insurer will settle claim very soon even though blowing whistle or filing RTI petition is, by itself, an act of suicide.

Saturday, January 15, 2011

Dravidian University

Pardon my ignorance of the very existence of Dravidian University in AP. Even Tarantula which lives, literally and metaphorically, in a corner of a house and derives sustenance through web is not expected to know everything around.

This renowned University is located at a trilingual junction at Kuppam, Chittor Dstrict in the South-Western tip of A.P, which is only 4 kms away from Karnataka, 8 kms from Tamil Nadu and of course very close to Kerala border, which is less than 4.5 hrs drive.

This budding University which is hardly a decade old became an envy of all leading Universities in the world particularly in the last two years when it has awarded 8,000 plus PhDs, which all the eight Ivy Leagues and a few other world’s leading Universities combined could not produce so many PhDs during the same period. It is a great misfortune and a National Tragedy of sort we fail to recognize the yeomen services rendered by this Universities to meet the expected demand for such degree holders. It is a matter of great concern that following news is appearing in headlines:

The A.P state government is Preparing all to cancel 8,029 PhDs awarded by the Dravidian University over the last 2 academic years. Universities like Osmania and Andhra, which have been functioning for decades, registered less than 500 PhDs, the government was shocked that the 10-year-old Dravidian University awarded thousands of PhDs in a single academic year.

Dravidian university has been offering PhDs in Distance education mode against the norms set the UGC and the AICTE and also allowed private institutions to set up study centers to offer MPhil and PhD programmes. The recent norms making M.Phils and PhDs mandatory for appointment as professors and principals in colleges have led to huge demand from students to obtain these qualifications. AP state government had received specific complaints against the university that the study centres were charging `50,000 to `1 lakh for each PhD depending on the subject and its demand.


What is wrong in charging Rs. 1,00,000/- for a PhD when some schools in the Capital of AP, in which this Dravidian University is situated, are charging a minimum of Rs. 6,00,000/- per year for LKG to Class XII (which works out to more than a crore of rupees, if you account interest burden, even if the child fails in his Board exam)? Most parents do shell out more money, ungrudgingly, for a single entrance examination to a private coaching center in twin cities and complain of this University whose Chancellor is none other than the H.E. Governor of AP. Is it not a mockery of Justice?

Readers may refresh their memory by reading the old blog-post:

http://tarantula-political.blogspot.com/2009/09/right-to-get-phd-act.html

Kapil Sibal should explicitly encourage such deemed universities and ensure they do not become doomed and come out with an equation that a charge of Rs. 1,00,000/- for a PhD certificate, in reality, works out to ‘no charge’ just as the loss due to 2G spectrum sale, according to his mathematics, worked out to No Loss.

Monday, December 6, 2010

Ideas from Nature

Ardent admirers of Mother Nature are naïve in some ways. For them, all developments made by homo sapiens have their roots in nature, be it discoveries, inventions, artistic form of expressions like dances, music and so on, sciences and technologies including. At first glance, many examples which readily come to mind appear to strengthen such a view.

Beaver must have given the ideas to build dams; birds must have hardened the human dreams to fly and fish for swimming; fire flies gave idea for lights; serpents and jackals have become a basis to start a class of unique people called politicians; peacock must have given inspiration for dance and some other birds for singing; brilliant scenery made him to capture it on canvas. Bees and ants must have given ideas of forming social systems. Several living creatures must have given early teachings on collective living to human beings. Some birds have given ideas to migrate to other continents. Apple is known to have played a major role in understanding gravity. Bird nests might have given ideas to build early homes; squirrels have given the ideas of warehouses for food storage and rodents gave ideas for tunnels. Examples galore.

Such views look like an expression of rhapsody on nature. That, by no means implies that man had not made any original contributions on his own without leaning on nature for inspiration or catalysts for ideas. Far from it. For instance, the entire technology of spiraling prices is brilliantly conceived by human mind. Many a nation have thrived on early use of such technologies and flourished and many other doomed as well due to consequent runaway inflations and associated manmade disasters. It is worthy to note that one technology derived inspiration from this man-made one and develops space vehicles that go faster than the escape velocity of planets is space technology!

Saturday, November 27, 2010

UIGAC ®

To err is human. We all know that. So is: to sin is more human. Few centuries back there flourished a certain theological institution which permitted any sinner to make confession in a recognized place of worship, draw a cheque for the prescribed sum i.e., not less than the tariff fixed commensurate to the gravity of the offence and carefully put in the drop-box kept aside for the purpose and get absolved through His representative. This system had its virtues. One could murder neighbor or adversary or anyone for that matter – not just one, more if need be – and get His complete absolution on no questions asked basis, get a clean chit from High (note capital h) command, keep head high and live in society, sleep like a baby in the night with ones soul at complete peace with itself.

Extinction of such a wonderful system, or absence of its equivalent, is more acutely felt in today’s society than at any other point in human history. People can manage clean chits from party high command, have the cases withdrawn by CBI in Supreme Court, and ensure that judge uncles rule (for more details read Supreme Court’s remarks on Allahabad High Court made on 26th Oct 2010) in their favor with little or no punishment, get Rathore style smirk back on face, and get respect (!) back from society as though nothing happened but not the baby-like-sleep since the silly thing called conscience still pricks. Offerings like diamond studded golden crown weighing a ton to Lord Balaji coupled with daily dose of sedative pills before going to bed provide no real solace but they do make an avoidable hole in the pocket.

In the aforesaid context, it makes immense business sense to start a Universal Institution to Grant Absolution Certificates and Tarantula is intending to open shortly. All the sinners are encouraged to send their non-refundable remittances directly to the Swiss account of UIGAC® by obtaining the tariffs and bank code for remittances and obtain soft copy of the certificate through 1024-byte state-of-the-art encryption system. All Pakistan printed counterfeit certificates are invalid in His land. Short payments made by incomplete confession are invalid. For example, once a Raja or Raju makes full confessional payment, his kith and kin can enjoy the loot as though it is earned properly in His eyes. Our Certificates are designed for lamination at sinner’s end and can be conveniently kept below the pillow at the time of sleeping. Stolen or Xerox or multiple copies of certificates are invalid. You may note that UIGAC has no braches or representatives in any part of this Universe. Taxes as applicable and other T&C apply.

Those unfortunate few who are yet to sin may send their c.v. for few vacant positions on the board of UIGAC.

Monday, October 18, 2010

Never Too Late


Shri Bholaram Das of Assam made a splash on 16th October 2010 by announcing his enrolment for PhD program in Gauhati University on his 99th Birthday i.e., 100th year of his existence. One of his grand-daughters is going to be his thesis advisor. There is more than one lesson in this communique. Age is no bar for learning though it does not necessarily mean that one should procrastinate basic learning forever. Next lesson is that it does not really matter from whom you learn; at least age-wise i.e., whether it is from someone of grandchild’s age or great-grandchild’s.

From now on, all application forms need to be reprinted to have three boxes to fill-in age as against the current practice of two boxes. In an age where phone numbers are going to become 11 digit long as against present 10 digits and IPv4 IP addresses are being replaced by IPv6, this should have been anticipated. But, that is a minor irritant, to be frank.

In cricketing parlance, nervous nineties is a well known phenomenon. Now that Shri Bholaram is past 99, he need not be nervous at all and during his learning, play his natural game.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Suresh Kalmadi

It is time for all Indians to unite and stand by Suresh Kalmadi on the eve of CWG-2010. He had done a yeomen service to the nation and that needs immediate recognition. All the criticism which is being heaped on him is totally unfair.


Kalmadi is an Indian first. He had a great vision to make India sweep all the medals at CWG without leaving even a single bronze to other countries, possibly without inaugurating the games. He had been planning it for several years and executing with gusto.

Most people from so-called developing nations lack the wonderful immune system we Indians possess. We are immune to anything and everything. Other nations realized their handicap. They are jealous. They cry foul about the conditions in Games village, floods, dengue, falling structures, security and anticipated nation wide riots on or after 24th September 2010 and so on. If they have no such grandiose situations back at their homes, how can India be held responsible?

Has anyone heard of Olympics getting conducted in the Clean Rooms of Silicon Valley? Little bit of dust, aroma and other things will certainly enrich the sporting experience. In the ancient Olympic Games village in Greece there is no evidence of any Glamour Room. Why should we have them in CWG village? Aren’t there enough open spaces in and around CWG village? Man is a product of nature and it is time he comes out of ivory towers and glass houses to freely commune with nature and become an integral part of it.

Well done, Suresh Kalmadi! Keep it up. Ignore your detractors. Aim for Olympics now and make India sweep all medals and take it to Olympic Heights.

Happy Birthday


Coming from an area that has one of the highest infant mortality rates in the world, your Tarantula has every reason to celebrate its one year of survival so far, having announced arrival on blogosphere on 23 September 2009 at 22.30 IST. It happens to be an Equinox day. Does is portend anything? This is 75th baby step in the form of posts in both the Political and Apolitical blogs combined. Transitioning now from infancy to a toddler?

Present day life is almost entirely governed by Politics in one form or other. At first sight it appears that two blogs titles are one too many and one alone suffices. After all,
arachnids weave two types of gossamer threads but tread only on one without getting entangled in the other! Authors are a stubborn lot and your budding blog-author Tarantula is no exception: desires to segregate political ones from not so political and hence the Apolitical blog too.

There is nothing in the world that pleases all; it is also true of these posts and some of them drew criticism. Healthy criticism is democratic and we shall honor and
agree to disagree.

Incidentally, this happens to be the 75th post (44th under
Apolitical and there are 31 in Political), which makes this a sort of Platinum posting!

Thanks a
zillion for the nourishment supplied by you in the form of encouragement.