Whitewash

With just concluded 0-4 whitewash in England during cricket test series, our team will be returning home looking very bright and presentable, all set for resuming hectic photo shoots and corporate advertisements that have been awaiting their return. Since this is the first whitewash after a decade plus, our heroes can jump to their primary task without further make-up!

Now that the historic cricket test series against much feared Timbuktu is fast approaching, our selectors have a job on hand. They may find the following suggestions handy:

1. Rahul Dravid should be dropped in the guise of ‘being rested’. He is hardly having any admirers other than rank outsiders Sir Vivian Richards and Steve Waugh. Other than the title ‘wall’ he does not have inspiring prefixes like others do (ex: God, swashbuckling, prince, captain cool, tubunator and so on). What is the point in having a player who stands there forever to save innings-defeats? But for him, India would have achieved much better whitest whitewash of 0-4 Innings plus defeats. He deprived the team of much fresher look. Such dull players have no place in a glorious team like ours.

2. Dhoni should be retained as captain for his record as captain. BCCI should use its muscle to make ICC change rules to have a non-playing captain like in Davis Cup matches so that someone else can bat in his place while, optionally, he can continue to keep wickets. How is that?

3. Swashbucking Sunyawag should be retained as one of the openers for his glorious two one-ball innings in the same Test! Never mind his average in the just concluded series. Future is always bright.

4. Nildulkar, God and hero of 1.21 billion should be a de facto inclusion, as had always been, at least until his grandson plays with him in few Tests. Besides, one day he is bound to get his 100th international hundred. Any number of series losses and becoming a third-rated country are worth it. Who knows it could be against this formidable Timbuktu!

5 to 9. …..

10&11. While the essence of T20 matches lies in the entertainment provided by way of stirp-tease dances on the side lines, Test matches are long drawn (not to be confused with innings defeats) and dull. Hence there is need for entertainment to public and also in dressing room. Who can surpass the combination of bowlers Harbhajan Singh and Srisanth, the best ever Slapper-Slappee?