Sinister Spinster

Recall Miss Marple, a fictional creation of Agatha Christie, without whom the English literature would have been poorer by some ten novels and few stories. This elegant armchair spinster detective has a charm of her own and endowed with the intricate knowledge of rural people and their psychology, which invariably proved helpful to the Scotland Yard in solving the cases in and around her area.

We have numerous female spies, both blonde and brunette, created by Ian Fleming and almost all ended up with providing much needed succor to the tired body of our beloved 007 at the end of the day!

In the exotic world of detectives and spies, our own Madhuri Gupta, a spinster, is a class by herself. Until the other day, no one suspected her to be an international spy. She has IFS tag, also works as a junior diplomatic official in the Ministry of External Affairs. Some complain that she is not in the same league as Mata Hari and Virginia Hall. Tarantula does not approve any such remarks, which are, obviously, made with superficial knowledge of the extent of her activities.

Admittedly, it is difficult to understand her motives behind sharing of information with our neighbor. May be she strongly felt that RTI Act should be extended to brothers beyond the unnatural boundaries made by partitioning the country and started acting on this impulse. As readers are aware, India takes few decades to decide on the punishment, if any, but certainly GoP might not take as many days in awarding Madhuri Gupta their hightest civilian honor Nishan-e-Pakistan.

Nature’s Gifts – Not for Us

Air is polluted by industries and poisoned by politician’s speeches; one has no option but to breathe, until his/her last breath. Era of buying fresh air has dawned. Go; buy a can of it, if you can.

Water is mixed with sewerage and industrial effluents. If you have a tenner or more, buy a litre and litter the earth with PET bottle. Remember, our Babus do not drink municipality-supplied drinking water.

Land is needed to build a hut to live? Shell out your life’s savings to buy in retail from land sharks or Dinakarans who grab it in hundreds of acres at a time, free of cost.

Mineral Resources are meant for few people to mine away, never mind legally or otherwise, and bribe politicians and Babus en-route to amassing thousands of crores.

Forest Wealth is for brigands, forest officials and politicians; we have no right to enjoy even the indirect benefits of forestry as they are indiscriminately cut down.

Bandwidth Spectrum is least understood of the natural resources and handful of people own it as they paid thousands of crores as auction price and bribes. Pay to use a negligible fraction of it.

Rains Feel like getting drenched and dancing in the first rains of monsoon? Beware, now it is highly acidic.

Vegetables and Fruits come with a pinch of pesticides and fertilizer residues. You have an option of GM/BT varieties together with not so well established consequences.

SOON TO COME

Sunlight, if used in lieu of erratic and expensive electricity may become taxable in one of the forthcoming budgets.

Moonlight or Scenic Beauty may be enjoyed in future by paying ‘enjoyment tax’.

ALREADY EXTINCT

Sounds of Chirping Birds are only available in recorded versions as most birds are on fast track of extinction.

“I count, therefore I count…”

“I count, therefore I count…” is a slogan on one of the posters for forthcoming ICM 2010.

While people around the world can count from one, Indians can boast of their ability to count from zero. After all, this concept of zero has its roots in India and perhaps it is the most pervasive of all.

“I count, therefore I count...”

Hyderabad has a reason to be proud of hosting the forthcoming event from August 19 to 27, 2010. It is the first ever opportunity India has to host this quadrennial event held from 1897, barring during the periods of World Wars I & II. India will be the third Asian country with this privilege after Kyoto (Japan) in 1990 and Beijing (China) in 2002.

ICM-2010 watchers have a lot to look forward. Who is going to get Fields Medal in 2010, who will get first ever Chern Prize, if Lilavati Prize contemplated by GOI takes off, who is this worthy woman mathematician and who are going to be the winners of other coveted prizes.

Perhaps, the most important question is whether the efforts to make Grisha (Grigori Yakovlevich Perelman) participate fructifies; which is, in an inexplicable way, related to whether he agrees to receive the first Clay Millennium Prize Problems award.

ICM would also feature a chess match between world champion Viswanathan Anand and 40 delegates; Tarantula wishes Vishy Anand 38(wins)-2(draws)-o(no losses) or even better against this group of august August delegates.

One disturbing aspect is that even a non-believer has no option but pray that event takes place smoothly with what all going on in the city of Hyderabad and the havoc caused by the variety of disruptionists.

Life and Uncertainty

What makes life interesting is the element of uncertainty - not in just one aspect, but in every aspect and at every moment. It is uncertainty, which is the essence of life and without which life becomes so drab and perhaps not worth living. Will a gambler gamble but for the uncertainty involved and his misplaced confidence that he somehow mastered it?

The chance of birth itself vastly varies on several factors. If the fetus is that of a female, its chance of survival beyond few minutes after its detection (which is illegal in India), is low in several states in India. Its survival depends on numerous factors like whether it is a resultant out of wedlock, whether parents are ready to invite the baby into family, financial status of its parents, if it is ‘n’th child, on that number ‘n’ itself, healthcare facilities available and the affordability factor, infantile mortality rates of that country and that section of society and so on.

Soon after birth, anything can happen; for instance, stray dogs in the government hospital can snatch away the baby for breakfast; another woman hovering around can snatch away with the connivance of the hospital staff and sell for a tidy sum, faulty incubator can burn the baby and co-residents of the baby and leave a combined pile of ashes. If it were a child born with a deformity, granny or midwife would end its life even before mother gets a first look; this is more of a norm in India rather than an exception.

If by chance blood obtained from a blood bank is transfused, there is no guarantee that it is free of AIDS or such other deadly deceases. One is never sure whether the doctor is performing the surgery in a private hospital or his school going kid eager to become a doctor one day is performing. Never ask questions like whether the doctor is actually qualified or not - there are no right answers. For someone hospitalized, there is no guarantee that doctor will not steal a kidney to make a pile of money elsewhere. None of these is figments of imagination of an author habituated to writing horror stories. These are regular happenings even in major metros of India.

It is difficult to give an exhaustive exposition in a brief post of a blog. There is no guarantee that the medicines taken are still effective or have long expired, not to mention whether it is a dummy pill or a spurious drug or actual medicine. There is no guarantee whether the school/college the child registers is recognized or doomed; existent or non-existent. Let us not discuss whether the child gets admission for a course he/she deserves.

By skipping all intermediate stages, families are not sure whether the missing family member is alive or not since they cannot recognize the charred bodies in a fire accident; or an early bird came first and claimed a dead body with a cinematic wail and ran away with accompanying compensation cheque.

Unexpired Expiry

Albert Einstein once said: Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I am not sure about the universe. Time has antiquated this quote partially. Human ingenuity is infinite. If you disagree, read the following news item:

http://www.ndtv.com/news/cities/tamil-nadus-deadly-drug-scam-unearthed-18418.php

While all Indians are exceptionally talented in wide ranging areas and roles from politics to cricket, film star to god men, the most “ancient language” speaking state in India is endowed with unusual talents to a good measure and there is a poetic justice to it. They are trend setters to the rest of the world.

Is it fair to put a label on life-saving drug and make it expire after 24 or 36 months? How can drugs helping people avoiding expiry, expire? This is illogical. A genius recognized the truth behind it. Drugs are like Sanjeevani and their purpose is to save lives and they are immortal. They have self-preservation properties. Have you ever heard of gold or silver or pattu sarees or wine expiring?

Let us face the facts. India is still a poor country despite having handful of multi-billionaires in US dollar terms. We have unusually high wastage and shortage of food and medicines. Food only sustains life. Medicines give second lease of life. While food has a short shelf life and is difficult and expensive to prolong its life, drugs (read as medicines) are amenable to a fresh lease of life by a simple and inexpensive operation of replacing the label. They can be discharged from the warehouse same day! One should admire and reward the ingenuity of the kingpin, the brain behind this operation and the savior of thousands of crores worth of medicines from expiring . Whoever it is, this genius should be awarded with Bharat Ratna without any delay for his yeomen service to the nation and public by demonstrating that drugs do not really expire. India should launch an all out effort to get him, for his efforts to save the lives of medicines, a Nobel Prize in Medicine.

Spectators to Calamities

Some people have the habit of perpetually criticizing Indians for anything and everything. They argue that India has not produced enough thinkers, intellectuals, inventors, discoverers, path-breaking scientists, sports personalities etc. commensurate with its long history, culture, heritage and the size of the population, not to mention the unity in diversity it has! These critics also claim that most of those who are someone in some field have invariably worked, lived, got recognition and even naturalized elsewhere.

Tarantula is always against any unfair criticism of Indians and condemns these critics where it is necessary.

Indians are the world’s best followers of celebrities and spectators of the calamities. I guess this calls for some elaboration.

Can any other country boast of the ardent fans of politicians, film personalities, god men/god women and cricketers as India? Have not you seen the sea of humanity following these categories of celebrities both during election campaigns, film shootings, cricket matches and other occasions? Is there any spectacle of human expression of sorrow surpassing the ones India has when a politician or a film star or a star-turned-politician dies? No wonder few parents in India want their child to have Amartya Sen or Mother Teressa or Ramanujan or Viswanathan Anand as role model as they find any number of role models amongst the aforesaid categories of celebrities.

Wherever and whenever a tragedy takes place in the form of fire, flood, earth-quake, tsunami, train accident, road accident, flyover collapse etc., have not you noticed the same humanity engulfing the space oblivious of the urgent needs of the victims or impediment to the disaster management? It is a different matter that few of these spectators get away with whatever they can and see an opportunity in a calamity.

Didi’s New Frontiers?

Read the interesting news item:

http://www.ndtv.com/news/india/railway-ministrys-ad-blooper-18139.php

Undoubtedly, media is Didi-friendly and terms this news as a simple blooper. Is it really? One can never be sure when it comes to Mamata didi. After all, she may be entertaining a new political agenda and the map in the news item is a mere slip of the tongue or spilling the beans. May be it is a masterstroke of a combined warning to the Center at Delhi and Left-lead government in Kolkata!

Tarantula, being a serious student of Mamata’s political thoughts, feels that one of the following scenarios is perfectly possible.

One possibility is she is trying to shrink the nation, keeping her Railway network intact. Such an exercise can definitely explain the map. Alternatively, she may be working on a plan to expand the Railway network and relocate the Railway stations suitably. This view can also expain the map. There could be a genuine, albeit temperamental, motive behind throwing Delhi into Pakistan and Kolkata into the Bay of Bengal!

Readers are free to have their own interpretations and decipher the thought process of Didi; if they want to discuss it with her, they can catch the next Duranto.

Swig or Two Will Help

Tako Dabi, Home Minister of Arunachal Pradesh deserves to be congratulated for his bold statement: it's ok for cops to drink while on duty. Read the article and look at his countenance at the page:

http://www.ndtv.com/news/india/ok-for-cops-to-take-a-swig-or-two-arunachal-minister-17667.php

To be able to make a statement that has the potential of damaging one’s political career, one should be spirited and bold at the same time. Some argue that spirit and boldness are the two sides of the same coin. Your Tarantula is not for entering into an intellectual debate on this topic.


Tako Dabi’s views deserve to be applied universally, in all walks of life and in all places of work. Armed forces have been applying Tako Dabi Principle (TDP, not to be mistaken with Telugu Desam Party) from pre-historic days. Recently some Air India pilots have applied it and were duly grounded, as it did not go well with passengers. Air India travelers have all along been nourishing some mistaken notion that it is their sole prerogative to consume free spirits.

It is not proven but clearly decipherable that our parliamentarians do take a swig or two before they take a spirited leap into the well and tear up bill documents on Chairperson’s table.

We are living in a world without boundaries and in a world with many boundaries within boundaries at the same time. It is strenuous to say the least. Everyone deserves a swig or two while working or better still, work while swigging!

Look at the positives. Churches, Mosques and Temples reverberating with spirited sermons or mantras surely attract all the youth who have forsaken these places of worship and get them back into their fold. Our spiritual education will get a timely boost. If our academicians deliver spirited lectures, absenteeism in our schools and colleges will come down and surely, the quality of education will improve. Besides, it gives them very little time for stone-pelting in surrounding areas. Our traffic police, after a swig are two, can help free flow of traffic. Our Babus can empty the bottles received as gifts in office itself and throw the empty bottles instead of carrying them home. Politicians of Tamil Nadu can make a poll promise of one-rupee-a-bottle-a-day-per-head and sweep forthcoming elections. Liquor industry will get a much-needed boost. Government revenues will improve. Vijay Mallya will top the Forbes’ annual list of the world’s top billionaires and soon become the world's first trillionaire (in dollar terms) by leaping ahead of Slim, Gates, Buffet, Ambanis et. al. Examples galore.

Thief Toddler

Have a glimpse at the news item:

http://www.ndtv.com/news/cities/kanpur-toddler-booked-for-power-theft-17221.php

Kanpur police and KESCO deserve to be congratulated for booking two-and-half-year old kid for power theft. Such criminal tendencies at such a tender age need to be nipped in the bud else they will reach dangerous proportions as one grows and might even surpass all our politicians, babus, contractors, businessman et. al.


If a child of that age steals cookies or another child’s toy; he may be left with a reprimand. However, stealing power, which is in such short supply in the country and to a large extent centralized needs to be viewed seriously. Police should pursue the FIR lodged and judiciary system should wake up and award a punishment, which becomes a deterrent to all other toddlers.

"Bharat Eshwar" Award

There is clearly an urgent need to institute an award higher than Bharat Ratna; more so since there is already one deserving person. Long after the independence, India has upgraded the highest rank of officers in Army, Navy and Air Force. India has bestowed 5-star general lifetime Field Marshal rank to three army officers. Across the country, senior police officer’s ranks are upgraded, left right and center.

Why is that we have not upgraded the Padma award system and still Bharat Ratna being the highest civilian award? Clearly sufficient thought process has not gone into the making of these awards by our politicians and Babus.

In the meantime one cricketer, who is incarnation of God, is waiting for 20 long years without Bharat Ratna. Now it is too late. Awarding Bharat Ratna to him belatedly at this stage and making him the youngest Bharat Ratna awardee is unjust and insulting him, to say the least. There are 1.15 billion Indians now who agree that he deserves much higher recognition. What can that be? It should be something befitting his stature. Tarantula recommends that Indian govt. should institute an award, say Bharat Eshwar (readers can suggest better sounding title – only thing they need to keep in mind is that it should mean God, rightly so, and be secular at the same time), which should be higher than Bharat Ratna and our cricketing God should be the first recipient, without any further procrastination.